Caveat: I know that depression is a reality for many people. What I say here is not meant to judge the one to whom I am referring nor anyone else who uses medication to combat it. It is simply my experience.
I have been in that place. I took medication for depression 7 years ago. We were 3 years into our empty nest season at the time. Our eldest daughter was going to be married 2 hours away and I couldn't be a part of the preparations like I'd dreamed I would. All it seemed I could do was write fat checks for the festivities.
No Martha Stewart moments.
Strained relations with my daughter.
Huge financial concerns: wedding, getting 3 kids through college within 7 years.
I just couldn't shake the depression I felt.
So I used the medication for about 5 months. I realized that I didn't feel the "lows" as much, but neither could I experience joy and happiness like I used to. So I stopped the meds.
My circumstances didn't really worsen or improve.
I pulled through, by the grace of God.
All that to say this: Sometimes I'm in a spot, or season, where I have
No Strength To Pray.
I read a poem by that name today.
Here it is:
When vision fadeth, and the sense of things,
And powers dissolve like colors in the air;
And no more can I bring Thee offerings,
Nor any ordered prayer...
Then, like a wind blowing from Paradise,
Falleth a healing word upon mine ear:
"Let the lifting up of my hands be as the evening sacrifice";
The Lord doth hear.
[From Toward Jerusalem, by Amy Carmicheal.]
Have I felt depressed in the intervening years? Most definitely.
But today I had a renewed sense that, even in my lowest times,
when my physical and psychological strength fail,
my loving Lord hears my internal cries for relief.
He gathers me close to Him, sending the Comforter, whether I ask or not.
Why do I have that assurance?
Because He is Who He is:
my unchanging Lover, Friend, and Savior.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, Who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17
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James 1:17
"He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul."
Psalm 23:2
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I am hoping and praying that you have that assurance, too.
Grace and peace to you!
Love, Karen
7 comments:
Thanks for the needed reminder!
Thanks for stopping by my Sweet Basil Kitchen. Your thoughts today are a great encouragement to me. I am dealing with some health issues and tests and unknowns. I am clinging to God's promises and I know He is faithful.
Jane, may God lead you to still waters as you wait on the test results. blessings, my friend. k
I've been in the darkness, chasing my tale and spiralling downward deeper and deeper. I terrified me when I got past the hurt, fear and anxiety and the tear to the numbness. I didn't care period - didn't feel anything for my husband, my children, didn't care about myself. I was empty - vacant- done. Dangerous place to be. Took meds for a very short time - worked with a couple of counselors. Hardest work was to recoginze or acknowledge where i had ended up and how I got there (triggers, thought patterns); Worked harder to recognize triggers ahd change treactions and tought patterns. Praise God for his word and presence, the people that counseled me, the people that mentored me and the patience my family had. God's grace and mercy - God' family to help bare. let them. seek them.
Naomi, I truly value your willingness to be transparent! Your blog is a great example of that. Now that we know more of the dark valleys each of us has gone through, I pray God will deepen our friendship.
I have recently been introduced to the power of prayer. And even though I'm not one to drop down on my knees, when I'm feeling low and in need of someone or something to lift me up, you can see my lips moving silently as I ask for help and strength.
Sandra, so glad prayer is becoming part of who you are! LOOK for answers to your prayers and it will build up your faith, too. Even if the answer is No or Wait.
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